Beyond Books is a category that I have wanted to keep updated monthly with just some things going on in my life, such as things I have been experiencing, seeing, playing, or watching, you know, just some favorites of the month. As you can see, the last time Beyond Books was updated was back in January, which is not monthly. There is a reason for that, Reader, which I am going to get into in this post. I just want to apologize for being late in getting this up, but truly, there have been good reasons for it. Let me begin.
Honestly, I am not even sure where to start because there have been so many things, and sadly, not many of them have been good. My mental health had taken a serious hit over February and March. Mental Health can be such a tricky thing, can’t it? One day, you are plugging away, and then boom, out of nowhere, something can completely derail you for minutes, hours, days, weeks, or even months. It is a continuous journey that can not be ignored without dangerous repercussions. I will make this clear here that I am someone who struggles with OCD, Anxiety, and other things, which has been brought on by being raised in a home with addiction. Now, with that being said and out of the way, you may be able to understand why these past two months have been derailing.
I am not sure who here has ever lost a parent or someone close to them and knows the kind of grief that is associated with those losses, but I am, unfortunately, someone who has lost both parents in my teens and very early twenties. This is the first trigger for me in this time of derailing. I have found that when one loses someone close to them, those wounds never truly heal. We just learn to live a new sort of normal, but grief, my friend, is like a rogue wave and can hit at the most inconvenient of times. I do not remember the exact timeframe, but I do believe it was in February when a family member lost her father, leaving her now an orphan such as myself. The thing about this is that I have found when someone I know loses a parent, it triggers my memory into focusing on the fact that I, too, have lost the same parent, whether it is my mom or my dad. I believe that it was in the book/movie by Elizabeth Gilbert called Eat Pray Love; it is mentioned that when you attend a wedding you always seem to find yourself thinking about your own wedding. I find this line to be true also for loss and funerals. This was the first hit on my mental health.
Hit number two comes in the form of a loved one in a mental health crisis. Life can sometimes become overwhelming for some people and they respond in such a way that shows they need help and they need it now. The thing is when you have walked in similar shoes and know how they are feeling and the things that they should be doing to help themselves but are not, it can be overwhelming and frustrating. I struggle with the idea that I am not able to control certain situations and outcomes. That the person has to navigate through their own mental health minefield, and there is nothing that I can do to take away their pain and fix the situation. I am only able to be there to listen and let them know what it is that I have done over the years to help myself. To light the way on a path that they themselves can take. Again, I have no control. I can not force them to do it even though I have a strong feeling that it would help them dramatically; it is out of my hands.
Hit number three comes in the form of a relative passing away. An unexpected passing caused by liver failure due to alcoholism. The young man leaves behind his eleven-year-old son, whose mother had passed away the year before. He also leaves behind his own mother. I can not imagine the sadness that must be within her at losing her only child, not to mention having to become the sole guardian of her grandson. My heart just goes out to them.
Reader, can you see why I am behind in this category and, well, frankly, on my entire blog? My mental health, like I said, took a nose dive, so I have been working hard to get it back to where it should be. These past two months I have been in my fantasy era, rewatching some truly wonderful movies and shows. I decided during this time I needed to escape into one of the best fantasy worlds I could think of, and that is J.R.R. Tolkien’s world of Lord Of The Rings. All of the movies.
Once I watched these, I decided I needed to continue the journey, so I then dove straight into The Hobbit Movies, as one does.
This, of course, then led to having to rewatch an Amazon Orginal, The Rings Of Power.
After consuming loads of popcorn while watching all of these things, I have decided I just need and want to be a Hobbit, but alas, that is not possible. I will say, though, that getting lost in these worlds helped with my mental health. I also made sure to eat right and get back to walking. I have always been a person who deals with my mental health struggles through nutrition, walking, running, and cardio. It helps to reset my brain and manage my feelings. I also love being outside in nature; something about it just helps me feel at peace. Music is a huge thing for me as well. When I am struggling in my head space, I like to listen to music by musicians who also know the struggles. A favorite of mine is Linkin Park; Chester Bennington said it best in an interview he did years ago with JoJo. I will include part of the interview below.
Reader, I am going to end this installment of Beyond Books here, but know, as I am writing this in April, my Mental Health has drastically improved, and I have been having a wonderful month. I am eager to share April’s Beyond Books with you next month, but Until Next Time, Reader, Happy Reading.