It has been a very long time since I sat down and wrote anything on here which saddens me. Tea Time Thoughts was supposed to be a blog where I would share things that have helped me in the past with my mental health struggles caused by traumas and extreme grief. It turns out that since Covid 19 I have not been able to write much based on what has helped me because I like many people have been struggling in the area of mental health. So rather than this being a blog focused on writing in hopes of helping someone else heal or deal with their mental health this is going to be a blog that is meant to document my journey of recovery..back to a good head space…back to me.
I have really mentally struggled with Covid 19 and the unpredictability of it. Something about me that you should know is I do not like well actually I really I can’t stand not knowing what is going to happen especially when it involves my own personal bubble. I am a child of an addict after all which basically means that is how I grew up…the egg shell approach to things because you never knew what was going to happen. Unpredictable. Anyways back to Covid… so my mental health plummeted when this virus hit the United States. I became obsessed with checking the numbers multiple times a day and freaking out each time I saw them. I became scared to leave the house for fear of what I might bring back in and the same goes for things being brought into the house….Cleaning like crazy and disinfecting became a must in my mind along with anytime we left the house we were to come home and hit the shower and then wash everything we wore and took out. This went on for most of the year…my mind became so fixated on Covid and so exhausted that I felt like I could barely function. I am so thankful that during this time and even now I was and am in counseling. You see Covid 19 brought out in me OCD..I shouldn’t say it brought it out because it has always been there I just never realized what it was because it was so normal for me…until Covid. Thank God for the counselor naming it because I was struggling so much. I was really beginning to think that I was a bit bonkers.
It has just been recently that I have stopped checking the numbers at the suggestion of my husband and counselor and low and behold my mind has slowed down on obsessing about Covid. Now I say this and it sounds good but in reality my OCD has just taken another turn…a turn that is just as detrimental to my mental health and that is my eating disorder. Ugh…exhausting..an old enemy that likes to reemerge during times of stress and chaos.
Now that I have shared the reasons why I have not been writing new blog posts I must admit that I am eager to get back into it. I am so very much looking forward to documenting my journey back to good. In the past when I have made this mental health journey I never documented it and looking back now I wish I had. I decided this time would be different because this time I am going to keep track of my progress and who knows maybe I will discover new things along the way that I missed before. It is my hope that if someone runs across this blog that they too may find things that could help them along on their journey to a healthier life. To anyone who might be reading this I do hope you are well and are staying safe in these unprecedented times.
- Image found on Unsplash and not my own work.