Why is it so hard for people to admit they need help? Why try and push something down or away to appear normal when really you could slowly be dying on the inside…and what for…to save face? Granted some people do not understand that what they might be feeling is in fact unhealthy, they may just think it is normal because that is all they have ever known. I was one of those people for most of my life. I grew up in a home with an alcoholic parent. It was like living with Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde on a daily basis. It was not until I started dating my now husband that I realized what was normal to me was in all actuality not a normal and healthy situation for anyone.
I remember going to my now husband’s childhood home for dinner one night and everyone was sitting at the table talking and enjoying each others company. I thought holy crap they are like the freakin Waltons. The only time my family ever sat at the table together for dinner was on a holiday and not just any holiday but the big holidays. It was always a rushed affair due to the amount of alcohol my dad had consumed before our meal and how quickly he wanted to get to bed. We never lingered over a meal and spent time talking and laughing together like my future in-laws. That meal was the first time I had ever experienced a calm enjoyable family meal where everyone was sober and it wasn’t a holiday. That day was the beginning of some realizations…some eye opening moments that began to take place on my end.
I knew my concept of life and what was normal was way off after watching my husband and his family interact repeatedly with one another in multiple settings and situations. It took me some time before I decided that I needed help. I remember very clearly why I started the conversation in our home about counseling and why I thought I needed to go. Odd thing was I didn’t want to go for myself but for my son. I told Troy my husband that I thought I should check myself into counseling because I did not want our son or any future children we might have to become like me…to struggle with food and exercise. It never occurred to me that there might be other things I needed to work through other than just my issues with food. Troy understood and it didn’t take me long to find a counselor who specialized in eating disorders. Truth be told it didn’t take long for my counselor to recommend that I also see another counselor in addition to her for the abuse, trauma and extreme grief that I carried over the loss of my parents, grandparent (because I only had one) and unborn baby. I was in counseling for about three years and the first year of it was spent going twice a week to two different counselors until my eating disorder counselor retired. That was years ago and when I got done it wasn’t because I was tired of it but because my counselor told me I was all set and good to go and you know she was right I felt great. To this day I am so grateful that I decided to make that call all those years ago because it changed my life for the better.
Now in 2020 I find myself back in the counselors office for weekly visits which I am not the least bit ashamed about because I know how much counseling helped me all those years ago. I know and understand the energy that goes into a counseling session as a patient and I am super grateful that I am able to go to someone who I like and respect. Lets be real though with setting the stigmas aside..think about it.. with the way the world is today don’t you think that everybody would benefit from some type of counseling. I have to say that it is such a weight lifted off of ones shoulders and chest to be able to go into the office and talk freely without having to worry about hurting someone or that what you said is going to get out into the world. People are not meant to do life on their own and with Covid 19 that is what many people are forced to do. We live in scary and unpredictable times at the moment with really not much of an end in sight. I have read recently that mental health issues and suicides are on the rise and that is just not okay.
The stigma that comes with mental illness needs to stop so that people are not ashamed and embarrassed to get the help that they need. Really people do not think twice if they are having a physical problem like poor eye sight, having a hard time moving, physical pain etc. they just head to the doctor’s office without a second thought. Sadly though that is simply just not the case for people whose struggles are not visible to others. There is a quote floating around the internet somewhere that says: Be kind for everyone you meet is fighting a battle that you know nothing about. As you go about your days please remember that because it is so true and it could literally change someones life heck it could save somebodies life. Remember that you are stronger than you think and you are meant to be here on this earth at this very moment you are no accident there is a purpose for you. So please if you need someone to talk then please find someone you feel safe and comfortable with because it really could make all the difference in the world. Remember to be kind to yourself, be gentle with yourself and more importantly be patient with yourself because the road to healing and recovery takes time.
I wrote this post last year but I wanted to share it because it is still relevant today.